Hey, YOU! Yeah, specifically you. If this campaign popped onto your screen, it’s probably because our highly sophisticated algorithm has determined that you’re in need of help in the bedroom, and you better believe we at JumpKick are on it. Introducing Bert’s Sextastic Endurance Wipes, a premature ejaculation solution that, according to your web data that we purchased, you’re definitely going to want to back right away.
There’s no shame in struggling to last longer as a guy, and rest assured that only our advanced AI and a few team members at JumpKick are aware of your poor orgasm control. We just want the best for you, and that’s why you should consider contributing $100 or more for a full-year supply because the data clearly suggests you’ll need more than a few wipes to calm down your dingle.
Let us reiterate that there’s a reason this campaign has made its way onto your device. Our advanced AI never makes mistakes and, in this case, deeply sympathizes with your plight in attempted love making. But if you’re a woman getting this campaign and wondering why, well, the algorithm must have concluded that you have a boyfriend, son, or brother who’s in desperate need of these bad boys. So get them this great stocking stuffer while they last!
We hope that you and every other male 18-35 with a slight porn addiction and liking towards memes about anxiety fund these premature ejaculation wipes for your own well-beings. Consider also backing these other projects the algorithm thinks you might be interested in, such as a guide book on how to find the G-spot and an NYU Student’s short film about depression.