Men everywhere can relate to this complicated issue: It’s a snowy day in the middle of January, and you need to go out to do a chore, so you put on your sweater, jacket, hat, and a pair of basketball shorts that you’ve owned since you were 15, only to realize once you’re outside that your legs are freaking freezing! Thankfully, our team has designed a novel solution to this problem.
Introducing Short Johns: thermal insulating men’s shorts that ensures that your skin stays nice and warm from the knee up only. Perfect for walking to class, taking the dog out, or for simply going out on a brisk 25° F degree day. Our revolutionary fabric and design protects against snow, sleet, rain, and cold weather up to -20° F while your hairy calves do the rest of the work.
When developing a type of men’s outerwear that regulated body temperature and trapped heat, our team made sure to prioritize a style that was comfortable without sacrificing the wearer’s masculinity in the winter. The patented blend of our quadruple-layered material provides an unmatched level of heat conductivity that slightly decreases your chances of developing pneumonia or hypothermia from any long pants-less outing. Most appealing of all, we added extra thermal protection in the groin area so that your manhood doesn’t shrivel up to the size of a tootsie roll in the cold.
Brave the next blizzard with a pair of our Short Johns since we know you’ll insist on going out in anything but pants that go down to your ankles. Any contributions that exceed $50 retail price will also be sent a pair of our matching thermal flip flops.