If you’re like most hardworking, on the go adults, you can’t even function without your daily dose of copious amounts of caffeine into your system. But did you know that you can be even more alert and productive much quicker if you introduced caffeine directly into your bloodstream? That’s why we’ve developed the first caffeine syringes with fun coffee-related phrases that’s sure to get a laugh from anyone who sees you injecting yourself with it.
Coffee is boring, bland. Impaling yourself with a needle for your daily dependency of energy is exciting, fun. Take in your next pick-me-up the right way with a quirky syringe that tells the world, “I’m an enjoyable, laid-back kind of person.” Leave our novelty needle around the kitchen for the whole family to smile at, or place it on your office desk as a fun little gag to delight your co-workers; it looks professional, but still shows off a little bit of personality.
The syringes come labeled with over 10 humorous witticisms that any caffeine addict can relate to:
It’s the perfect gift for a loved one or your boss. Each backer who pledges $35 or more will receive one dishwasher-safe syringe along with 20 vials of injectable caffeine solution (more can be ordered on our website). It’s time to ditch the tired, old brewing routine. Start your mornings right by injecting that wakey juice straight into your veins!
Note: this item is for caffeine intravenous purposes only. We do not recommend that you use our syringe to inject any other substance into your veins as it may cause bodily harm.
UPDATES:
June 25th 8:39 AM: THE REVIEWS ARE IN: the new syringes are a hit and, so far, no issues have come up from our fellow caffeine addicts. To prove it, here’s a testimonial from one of our early backers:
Joyce, Charleston SC: “My husband absolutely LOVES his new caffeine needle and shoots up every morning during breakfast. It makes him a lot less cranky around the kids much faster than his old cup of joe. Definitely getting another one for my desk job at the rehab center.“
July 10th 12:38 PM: O.K., so we’ve been getting a few complaints that our recommended daily injection of 200 mg of caffeine into the bloodstream has been too strong for some, and while it has made these people twice as awake in half the time, it has also been causing headaches, nausea, and explosive diarrhea. Although the syringe can fit 200 mg of caffeine, we’re now recommending you start with 100 mg and see how you feel. Then introduce another 100 if you’re not quite getting a good buzz.
July 22nd 2:44 PM: Listen everyone, you need to start following the enclosed instructions that come with each needle so that you can properly and safely inject caffeine into your veins. We know that our witty jokes on the syringes make them appear fun and easygoing, but we need you all to take our product a bit more seriously so that you don’t end up requiring a limb amputation. Follow the instructions! If you still feel uncertain about doing the procedure yourself, pay a visit to a trained nurse who will gladly explain and do a caffeine intravenous for you (and take notes!)
August 10th 4:54 PM: This is very sad for us to announce to our fellow coffee lover, but due to the recent OD deaths of one CEO and several biochem students in addition to complaints from nursing associations, we’re pulling all of our novelty syringes and advising those with ones to NOT continue to use them. Please donate your syringes to the nearest hospital where they can be used for medical purposes. I’m sure patients and staff will still get a laugh from all of our fun one-liners, especially if they cross out “caffeine” and instead write “morphine.”
Going forward, we’ll see if injecting green tea will be safer.