For the past 10 years, I have been happily living with my family in a quaint apartment located on the historic Tennessee Avenue between New York and St. James. However, lately our rent has been skyrocketing after all three streets came into the hands of a development corporation that has been quickly building luxury houses alongside bubble tea cafes and axe-throwing bars within our neighborhoods.
We’ve tried to petition the property owners to keep our rent stabilized at a reasonable cost, but when us community members met with a representative to plead our case, he simply ignored us while twiddling his white handlebar mustache and going on about how he’s trying to “bankrupt that Thimble bastard as soon as he gets out of jail”. Our recources have all been exhausted, and we’re looking to move out before the Marriott’s get built, which is when we’ll get really fucked.
All we need is enough money to get ourselves to a more affordable area. Even though I recently made some extra income winning second prize in a beauty contest and having a bank error in my favor, our family is struggling with cash. My injured husband hasn’t been able to pass Go in a while, and the development corporation jacked up utilities after recently acquiring the electric company and water works. Our current plan is to move to Mediterranean Avenue and just pray that the property owner doesn’t make a trade to acquire Baltic Avenue, because then you better believe our home will turn into an art therapy and meditation clinic!
We understand that every family is cash-strapped this late in the game, but if anyone has any extra money from any X-mas funds maturing, we’d more than appreciate the help. I don’t want to have to sell the family car, even though we might as well since the influx of restaurants and outdoor music venues has taken up all the Free Parking.