All I ever see on this confounded internet site is people bitching and moaning about this or that. Nowadays everybody thinks they’re entitled to a handout. Well, if your liberal snowflake three-year-old really needs lupus medication that badly, then maybe it should do what us red-blooded, God-fearing real Americans do and get a fucking job.
Nobody bailed me out when I racked up all those hospital bills because I ruptured a disk in my back. Apparently “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” wasn’t meant to be taken literally. But since I started that third job as a part-time carnie, I’ve paid off nearly one fortieth of my debt. That’s personal responsibility for you, you goddamn communists!
Where were all of you shiftless layabouts when I had to pay back my bail bondsman after I accidentally shot that police horse? Definitely not at that loan shark’s office when he broke my kneecaps with a pack of frozen hotdogs, I’ll tell you that for free!
Were there times where I could’ve used a leg up? Sure. But that ain’t what I’m about, you socialist leeches. When my identity was stolen by that kid in Scottsdale who was catfishing me, I did what any responsible adult would do and bought a phony driver’s licence from that other kid in Scottsdale who was catfishing me. Illegal? If you ask the judge, yes. But like I said when I represented myself in court, I prefer to think of it as patriotic.
So, no, I won’t be taking any of your tainted money here. I just wanted to see if any of you godless hippies have talked to my granddaughter recently. She usually gives me my allowance by this point in the month but she’s a few days late and this online poker isn’t going to play itself.