The Fort Payne Puddle Pigs have been a proud staple of our city since all the way back to 1997. Not a summer goes by where there isn’t excitement in the air when our beloved team faces off against our rivals, The Pennyville Cheese Gobblers. But recently, we learned that the team’s owner is planning to relocate the franchise out of our quaint, little bumfuck community.
This move would be disastrous for our tightly-knit group of townsfolk. Going to minor league games is really the only thing to do around this middle-of-nowhere, backwater of a place that we call a city. The Puddle Pigs mean a lot to us. Watching our local baseball team play is the reason why a lot of residents have the will to get through the week.
The owner wants to relocate the team to a flashier metropolitan area with a more hip crowd while also possibly changing the team name to the Gully Gators—a lesser creature. His reasoning is that he can bring out a bigger draw elsewhere, so that’s why we’re looking to raise enough money to renovate our ballpark and add even more seats! Even though average game attendance hovers right below 50%, we’re sure that stadium improvements will bring out more than our usual crowd of senior citizens and college students who are looking for an excuse to get obliterated.
Please consider donating to keep the Puddle Pigs in Fort Payne! Our little corner of east bumblefuck will have nothing if they leave. This pompous owner doesn’t even understand the rich history of our renowned team. We’ve churned out greats such as the legendary Mickey Roscoe of ‘06, who almost moved all the way up to playing in the big AA league.
Let’s get this project funded, Fort Payne! Remember, we’re all Puddlers for life!