Guys, I could really use your help here. See, I haven’t had a chance to buy a new calendar for this year yet and it looks like Valentine’s Day crept up on me again. I only found out about it because my co-worker’s husband had an edible arrangement sent to her at our office. I thought I was screwed until I saw a man selling roses next to the I-83 on ramp. But he’s actually charging NINE DOLLARS per flower! Are you fucking kidding me?!
Normally I wouldn’t let myself get gouged like this but this is not the first time I’ve fucked up and forgotten Valentine’s Day. A couple years back I forgot I had dinner reservations with my girlfriend at the time and she sat alone at the restaurant for two hours while I was at happy hour with my friend Doug. Then last year, my now-fiance had worked for months painting a beautiful portrait of the two of us and I had to really quickly run out to try to find something romantic to buy for her at CVS. I ended up getting a box of expired chocolates and a three pack of Bic lighters so needless to say that didn’t go well.
And now this guy has the audacity to charge this outrageous rate for a last ditch Valentine’s hail mary pass. The nerve of it. Sure, I spaced on the date a bit, but this is literally highway robbery. I guess chivalry really is dead, and that’s why I’m asking you all to be generous here. If I can afford just a few flowers it should be enough to show that I care. Plus, I’ll just put whatever money is left over in my gas tank; the only reason I stopped by this guy in the first place is because my Civic is on empty. Anybody know a particularly romantic tow truck company I can call?