What’s up dudes? It’s your fucking boi Bryson! You might know me as the guy who shared a bong on the first day of ECON130 and didn’t get in trouble. Lol, Professor Wolcott is the man! Anyway, I’m outside Chenango Dining Hall with my boys and I’m dying to go ham on some of their buffalo chicken slices right now. The thing is though, I’m all out of my allotted Bearcat Bucks, so I really need you to come in clutch right now and pledge your support.
My mom said she’d get to filling up my account before next week, but she hasn’t pulled through yet. I know this is super lame, but I promise this will be the only time I’m asking the community to crowdfund my meal. I’m just soooo wasted right now and you guys know how good the buffalo chicken pizza is here. I mean it’s not great, but it really hits the spot after going hard at Tau Sig all night, haha you know what’s up.
All collected proceeds will be used to fund the purchase of two ballin’ Chenango buffalo chicken slices and maybe an Oreo shake if I can pester the cashier enough to let a few bucks slide. I have like a 60% success rate with that, plus it’s like 2a.m. and they don’t really care. So basically if you donate, you’re getting more bang for your Bearcat Buck.
Hope to count on your support for this one, bro.
UPDATES:
September 5th 2:24 AM: Okay, so it’s like 2:30 right now, and the dining hall is about to close, but I’m happy to say that we reached our funding goal! Well, not really, but I got enough for one slice and a strawberry Mentos. Want to give a shoutout to my Aunt Mary who generously donated to my cause after finding my post about it on Facebook!
September 5th 2:38 AM: Here it is boys! This is what all my backers invested in. Yeah, I know it doesn’t look great, but the only slices they had were ones that had been sitting out all day and were old and crusty. No biggie though, you just gotta drown that shit in ranch dressing to bring back some texture and flavor. Gotta bring this slice on the go though since we’re getting yelled at by the janitors to leave. Plus we want to go pick up smokes at the 7/11.
September 5th 2:46 AM: Aww bros…
September 5th 2:55 AM: First off, I want to apologize to all my generous donors for fucking up the pizza slice they helped fund. Fucking Luke said he could run faster than me, so I raced him to the 7/11 and dropped my slice. Yeah, I know this was irresponsible of me, but I guess that’s the risk you take when you invest in a campaign made by a guy who’s four Nattys and five Jaeger Bombs deep. Fuck tho… Really want smokes right now, but the 7/11 guy won’t take my leftover Bearcat Bucks. Admittedly, I don’t have any real money on me either. Damn dude, what a bummer night.
September 5th 3:19 AM: OH SHIT DUDES! Just got back to my place and I opened my fridge because I felt like downing my cookie dough log and look what I found! I’ve been saving these slices since last week for an emergency situation like this. Bless up! If any of my backers want to pull up, I’ll share some with you. Offer won’t be around long though.
