What you have asked of me, the sweet Cupcake, is no small task. First, you ask me to come and sit, then roll over. Now, you demand that I play dead? Do you know the work that goes into this little “trick” you have instructed me to carry out? Faking my death, acquiring forged papers, and fleeing the country is no small feat, my friend.
To request this of me in a dog park, such a public place, is truly audacious. You are lucky that I am such a well-connected pomeranian. Should you ask any other mutt on the street to execute this plan, the clumsy paper trail would surely find its way back to you.
First, I must perform a sufficiently convincing display of death that none of these other dogs question my disappearance. To pull this off, I will need you to react accordingly. You are losing your best friend, so I expect some real tears. Upon my completion of this spectacle, bring me to the vet on 34th Street. There, I will meet the shih-tzu named Noodles. He will provide me with the documents necessary to start my life anew in Canada. At this point, there is no going back to the life we lived before. All that remains is to relocate and begin my journey in my new home working as a fulltime goodboy.
I am loyal to our cause. I am your best friend, but know this: you want me to play dead? The cost is dire.