Hey, do you remember the guy that pulled down my pants in front of Mallory at the camp field trip to the zoo when I was 14? Yeah, he’s that same guy who also spray painted “<3’s 2 Fart” on the principal’s car in high school and got me in trouble for it. Well that guy is gonna have a tougher time giving me noogies when he’s (hopefully) undergoing radiation treatment this year.
Listen, my brother really needs your help and support guys. Surprising, I know, since he spent so many years taking my birthday money to buy cigarettes. Maybe dietary habits like eating all of the french fries so nobody else can get seconds contributed to the cancer’s rapid spread through his body. Unfortunately for him, he’ll probably no longer be able to work a great job that he can hold over my head, so he could really use some financial aid right now.
Please consider helping my brother out with some money, as Mr. Smartypants seems to have forgotten to get health insurance. He’s smart enough to beat me 10 straight times in Connect 4 but he’s dumb enough to let his coverage lapse right when he gets sick. All I know is I hope that kind of stupidity isn’t genetic, or the cancer.