I hope that this JumpKick campaign finds you safe and in good health. I know that many of you are taking this time to relax and play videogames, but for some of us, this time is a crisis. For the last several weeks, I have found myself drowning in the debt that I owe to a well dressed Japanese raccoon dog, otherwise known as a “tanuki”. Despite how cute that sounds, this guy really has it out for my ass.
Last month, I bought a house from him right before the quarantine started, and unfortunately for both of us, things have changed. Listen, I’m an honest frog and I fully intend to pay him back, but I can’t run my small business without going outside and, right now, that isn’t safe for me or my family. It’s hard enough thinking about all the bugs and fish that I can’t go out and catch, and I really don’t need the added stress of this asshole calling me ten times per day. I can’t remember the last time that I got a full night’s sleep. The only thing keeping me going is the horrible thought of my anteater wife having to raise our children alone because Daddy “went missing” in the turnip garden.
So, I ask you, dear friend, to help a struggling frog and his family in these trying times. Right now I just need enough money to get him to stop threatening me by sending us butterfly wings in the mail. Please, anything you can spare would absolutely mean the island to my family and me.
Thank you so much for your time. Please stay safe, and don’t ribbit my mistakes.
Photo By: Joe Tilleli
@JoeHasSpoken