Pappy the Puppet is a fun and interactive puppet that will slap you when you’re anxious until you calm the fuck down. Pappy was inspired by Ivan Pavlov’s concept of a “conditioned response” and is more effective than lavender lotion and Xanax combined. Pappy is designed to help you associate distress with being slapped really hard over and over again, thereby training you to replace anxiety with a crippling fear of violent consequences.
Using an arrhythmic analysis of a human’s heart rate with his felt hand, Pappy can accurately determine when you’re calm enough to start and stop being slapped. Whenever you’re feeling stressed out, the highly intuitive Pappy will crawl over to you at maximum speed and then slap you repeatedly. He is perfect for those who are stressed out because of work, school, or relationships. And don’t worry: he CANNOT be destroyed! We are proud to say that Pappy is 100% inflammable!
Pappy the Puppet is right for you if you wish to:
– replace anxiety with fear
– stop using boring anti-stress methods like “meditation”
– try something new, exciting, and perhaps dangerous if Pappy develops a mind of his own
Pappy was an idea that I developed back in college when I kept having panic attacks when my suitemates wouldn’t stop blasting Blink-182 on school nights. Self-help YouTube videos didn’t work, and neither did drinking myself to sleep. Pappy’s helped me out through the worst, and with your contributions, he’ll be ready to literally slap the shit out of anyone who needs it. All of the money collected will be used to fund the building materials, production, packaging, and the most important component in every Pappy: love.
If you care about mental health as much as I do, please pledge your support so that everyone can have a Pappy of their own to slap them into a zen-like submission and make their therapist proud.