Hey, everyone. So I’m honestly not that familiar with JumpKick, but I’ve been told it’s a place where people often beg for help. If that’s the case, then maybe this will work out okay.
I’ll just come out and say it: someone please buy this fucking car!
I’ve already tried everything I can think of to offload this thing. At first I tried selling it to a used car dealer and they literally laughed me out of the showroom. I recall the phrase “deluded goon” being said more than once and I can’t help but feel like it was directed at me.
Seriously, if anyone wants this thing, I’m willing to accept under the asking price. The asking price is “enough for me to pay to take the bus for like two months.” Any takers?
I put this thing up on Craigslist a few weeks ago and the only person that responded to me I’m pretty sure was in the mafia. Obviously I can’t be sure, but all I know is a man with a thick Italian accent called to ask how much trunk space there was and asked me to meet him at an abandoned pier.
The car’s really not in that bad of shape. Sure there’s a few dings and scrapes. Also someone stole the airbags and passenger side door. But I did just replace the windshield wipers so really I did you a favor there.
I stopped at a traffic light last week and three clowns just got in my car. There wasn’t a carnival in town or anything. I told them I wasn’t like an Uber driver or anything and didn’t know what they were expecting but they all just stared at me for a moment, then shrugged at each other before wordlessy exited my Sonata. I have had nightmares every night since then.
So if you’re interested in buying this car then I guess just text my cell or something saying that you saw this on the crowdfunding page. Again, I don’t know how this works. I just need to sleep. I so badly need to sleep.