We all know how hard it is to find the perfect jeans. Sometimes they look great but you can barely move in them. Other times they’re comfortable but make your butt look weird. Worst of all are jeans that seem to slide right off your hips and hit the floor the second your ex drunk dials you at 2 in the morning.
That’s why we created SmartJeans! Finally, there’s a pair of pants that are stylish, comfortable, and will save you the embarrassment of having to schedule your third STD screening in the last six months.
The secret is the patent-pending technology that pairs with your Android or iPhone. When the app senses an incoming call or text from one of your exes any time after 1:59 AM, it automatically locks the fly of your jeans making it all but impossible for you to make the same mistake you’ve made oh so many many times before. In fact, we recommend you get all your peepees and poopoos out before 2 AM because if one of your exes does happen to text, you’re not getting out of these things until sunrise.
Look, we all need a little help sometimes, especially when we stay up too late by ourselves watching “Say Yes to the Dress”, and suddenly Mr. You-Know-Who decides to call as if he has some sort of goddamn psychic ability.
Plus SmartJeans don’t just work on your exes! The intuitive app tracks all your interactions and over time learns exactly the kind of things you do seemingly to punish yourself. If you send any text to your best friend that contain the phrases “Welp, guess who I invited over last night?”, “You’re gonna make fun of me but…”, or “OMG, ugh…” the app will figure out who you’re talking about and add their names to the growing list of regrets that don’t have to happen again. Let SmartJeans learn since you clearly never will!
Warning: SmartJeans will not prevent you from doing mouth-stuff.