Do you fantasize about finding a man who just barely holds a dead-end job and frequently ignores and gaslights you? Are you bored of petroleum engineers on Tinder who are just too… nice? Do you not know your dad? If so, then Scrubs is the perfect dating app for you.
The idea for Scrubs came about when four women in a CS301 study group discovered a common thread: we were all down on our luck with dating. We were bored of men with stable jobs who talked highly of their mothers and expressed a desire to have a future with us. And every time we ran from those relationships and turned to dating apps to self-sabotage, the fuckboys that we matched with didn’t have enough emotional trauma to manipulate us, and pursued future goals instead of crying while ripping bong all day. Post-graduation, we put our twisted minds together to create a prototype for Scrubs. With the costs of production, implementation, and advertising, it’s only through JumpKick that we can help women find men to waste months of their lives on.
Scrubs allows women to choose the type of scrub that they’re looking for to ensure that she will be matched with the worst possible guy. Users can set their scrub personality preference, such as: “film school dropout who sells his mom’s prescription Xanax”, “narcissistic musician who worships Gus Dapperton”, or “chain smoker who mansplains Infinite Jest“ (she can even select all three if she really hates herself). All of our beta testers, who were far more intelligent, educated, and successful than the featured scrubs, succeeded in finding matches who mirrored their childhood trauma.
Scrubs has proven to be just as temporarily addictive as the men who constantly talk about their ex-girlfriends. 60% of women said that within three months of ending their fling with the man that they somehow got emotionally attached to, they reported being in a “really good place” after intense self-reflection. However, 95% of these women returned to the app one week later to find another scrub.
We are also working on a therapist matching app to pair with Scrubs for the women who are desperately trying to make these relationships work, because after all, he’s probably right that she’s the crazy one.
Photo Credit: Sean Barry; Alones
Photoshop: Peter Clark-Deutsch
We will send you a PBR tallboy so that you can drink with your date, because they definitely won’t pay for your drinks.
We will send you a PBR tallboy AND a pack of Viceroys so that your hypothetical date will think that you’re cool and emotionally abuse you for the long haul!
We’ll set you up on a date at an independent coffee shop with one of our beta testers, Otto, but we can’t promise that he won’t forget about the date last minute (oh, and we also can’t promise that he doesn’t have an STD because he’s not really into the whole condom thing).
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