Oh god. Shit shit shit guys, I need your help like ASAP. I’m in line at Subway and I can’t find my wallet anywhere! I thought it was in my pocket but it’s not there… did I drop it somewhere? Fuck.
What do I do? I already ordered my sub; this dude literally just put it in the toaster oven. Guys, in like 13 seconds he’s going to take it out and ask me about veggies. I have one minute tops before I get to the cashier and I forgot to put money in my checking account so I can’t even use Apple Pay. Just send me like $8.50, I swear I’ll pay you back like three times that. Just get me out of this situation!
Seriously, I’m panicking. Where the fuck is my wallet?! Is it in my car? Would they let me go look or take the sub and promise that I’ll come back after I pick up my mom’s credit card at home? I’m too scared to ask. I’m stalling as much as I can with these veggies and condiments but there are only so many that I can add. Wait, does that make it cost more?
No no no no no, fuck! He gave my sub to the cashier. … OH GOD AND IT’S A TEENAGE GIRL! She is gonna judge me so hard, I can already tell. I’m done for. I think that my heart is going to explode out of my chest cavity. My blood and guts are going to get all over this footlong Meatball Marinara.
Shit shit shit, she’s asking me about adding chips and a drink. She’s waiting for my answer and I’m just silently typing on my phone like a massive creep. Fuck, what do I do? I literally cannot bring myself to look up. This sucks, this sucks. Seriously, just fucking kill me.
UPDATE: Wait someone donated $8.50 holy shit thank you. Okay, okay, I can check out. That was close.
UPDATE: TAX! FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT TAX! FUCKING SHIT FUCK I NEED 2 MORE DOLLARS PLEAAAAAAAASE HELP ME!