My brain won’t shut up because I realized that I accidentally flipped the light switch four times instead of my usual three (and since I was seven, I must do everything in increments of three ). I’ve prayed like ten times in a row now that my mom doesn’t die because of this, but one time I worded it wrong and so I’m afraid that she will suffer from an inevitable death. Also, to top it off, I asked God to spare her from coronavirus, but I forgot to say “please do not let her GET coronavirus”; it’s supposed to go: “GET coronavirus, HAVE coronavirus, and DIE FROM coronavirus”. An intrusive thought popped into my head that she will only live if I get 300,000,000 flips, and that’s impossible for me to do alone, so I need your help.
I need to raise 300,000,000 flips until it feels right. I need you to help me raise 300,000,000 flips until it feels right. I need you to help me raise 300,000,000 flips until it feels right. See? This is hell.
My mom is a great person and she doesn’t deserve to die. I’ve had separation anxiety from her since I was a toddler, which I’ve since gotten over, but every time I don’t touch something three times, something in me feels… off. I try to trick my brain into thinking the opposite “if you do this three times then she WILL die” so that I don’t have to go through the hassle, but it hasn’t been working lately for some reason.
If you don’t want me to grow up without a mother, please help me. Please help me. Please help me.
Fuck. Please hurry.
UPDATES:
August 1st 7:25 AM: So, good news and bad news: my mom didn’t die; bad news: …yet. Last night I forgot to pray for her because I took too much anxiety medication and fell asleep, so we need to work together to save my mom! Some people have come to her rescue over the past few weeks.
August 4th 6:53 PM: My mom said that I was acting weird and sent me to therapy. The doctor prescribed me Xanax and something called Luvox, which makes it so that I don’t have to count to three for something to feel right. But to be safe, I asked all of my friends to not step on cracks when they walked down the street. All but one laughed at me and then I got put in this class in a trailer at the back of the school.
August 10th 3:47 PM: Everyone in my new class totally gets it! There’s this one kid, Josh, who thinks that he’s a penguin, who is especially understanding. I made some good friends this week, and I’ve only had to pray that my mom doesn’t die once.
August 14th 12:14 PM: I’m not sure how much time my mom has left because I only had time to touch the door handle two times today instead of three before I had to rush to the bus. Please hurry.