We the faculty at the Henry Tufts High School are sad to state that we are horribly underfunded. In addition to increased class-sizes, we’re also dealing with inadequate teaching materials. To improve our kids’ futures, we need new textbooks—better textbooks. Textbooks that nurture their intellectual curiosity as well as their creative imagination in case they get bored and want to draw penises in them.
Our school’s current textbooks are old and outdated. There’s also no more room for dicks or ejaculate to be drawn on them. One example is our History books that only go up to the 1960’s. Our lesson plans don’t even cover most of the Cold War! This is why we need your help. It’s important that we properly educate our students about the fall of the Soviet Union so that they can draw erections onto Ronald Reagan’s face.
Without your support, our young minds will be deprived of valuable learning experiences. This isn’t just about letting students draw fat hogs in brand new textbooks. It’s about letting them draw boobs, stick figures with swords, song lyrics, blacking out teeth in smiles, devil horns, flaming skulls, Bart Simpson, the Grateful Dead logo, and of course that cool looking “S” symbol. Drawing genitalia is simply the jumping off point.
The sad reality right now is that dick graffiti in a textbook is all that some of these teens have. The desks are covered in a laminate that makes it hard for pencil marks to show up. The custodians are good at their job so all bathroom vandalism is removed within a day. Few educational institutions put sufficient emphasis in the arts, but we truly believe that they are essential for our adolescence in helping them become well-rounded individuals. So help give our students some new canvases!
Remember, by pledging your donation, you’ll have a lasting impact on our school’s students for generations to come. When a teen scribbles dirty limericks into their science book, it’s not just for themselves. It’s for every student that uses the book after themselves as well. Each semester the book will be passed on to the next student to see what they wrote. Then that student gets to add to the vandalization with their own personal choice of swear words, which allows them to learn teamwork skills along the way. These new textbooks will be the beginning of beautiful collaborations to come.