Two hours ago, my cat, Pickles, woke me up crying incessantly. I thought that he wanted a midnight snack, as he often does, so I gave him a can of his favorite salmon blend. He licked it twice and then began whining at me louder than before. I don’t know what to do. Do you think that $200 is enough to get my cat to fuck off?
I don’t know why a cat would need that much money, but $200 feels like the right amount. I tried wearing him out with a toy, but he was completely disinterested. When I first adopted Pickles, I thought he was the sweetest kitty in the world. I never thought that he would pull some cold-hearted shit like this. I have an exam in six hours and I need to get some sleep, but it seems that he will only let me get the rest I need for a price.
As I write this, he is sitting at the foot of my bed, crying and staring at me intensely with those big kitty-cat eyes. His vibe is all weird and demanding. It’s like he knows that he has me up against a wall here… fuck, he just knocked my wallet off my dresser. This is absolutely what he wants. Please friends, help me out. I pray that none of you ever have to experience this.