Bro, are you sick of having a solid beer buzz yeeted by diner food or the cold hot dogs that you stole from the deli tray at the party when no one was looking? Real talk, who wants to choose between a sick buzz and the munchies? Probably somebody lame like my RA, No Nut Chuck! Jk, but I do have this fuckin’ milkshake that will take care of all of that shit. Introducing Berrydise: a milkshake that won’t mess up your plans of staying absolutely wasted all night long.
Swipe Right on This Shit
This goddamn thing is made from science! It’s like Elon Musk CRISPR’d Stephen Hawking into a strawberry bush and then made sure that plant had all the books, fertilizer, and love it needed to become a delicious, self-aware junk food that won’t impair your binge drinking. Berrydise is made with phenethylamine flavanoids that will instantly rid your body of anything but alcohol and our synthetic ice cream product. All other solids and liquids will be immediately jettisoned, but your buzz and our smooth, pink drink will remain intact.
So how does it work? Well, Berrydise’s proprietary blend contains newly discovered health and wellness ingredients that are guaranteed to keep you sharp as you rage on. Each shake is added with crispy little algae from a lake in southern Indiana, endangered boar’s tusk, milk, industrial strength insulation, and many other super ingredients that we’d love to share with you but our dad’s lawyer advised us not to.
It’s Hella Good for You!
It doesn’t matter if you’re worried about hitting your macros or stretching your wallet on penny-pincher night. We understand that you can’t afford carbs or your rent, so we’ve made our milkshake low-cal, carb-neutral, cheap, and delicious!
When you’ve got Berrydise in your cup, you can hammer brews and strawberry milkshakes all day or all night and still stay lit af. Plus if you contribute to our campaign right now, we promise to pay for the next round!
Stretch Goal:
Coming soon, we’ll be offering new flavors! Pizza! Nachos! Pickles! Cheeseburgers! Tacos! And other various items that you grab out of a stranger’s refrigerator after you had sex with them! Help us raise an additional $20,000 to cover this year’s tuition, books, room and board, and we’ll blend together whatever it takes to make this happen.
Supporters pledging at the Rush Level will receive a free keg cup at our next party at the Green House! Can’t promise though that my homedog, McCoy, won’t make a pass at your girlfriend though, lol.
238 backers Beefcakes and babes at the Brother rate will be given a weekend supply of rubbers and the opportunity to be nailed with a Super Soaker full of piss when they’re least expecting it for Gamma Sig’s next viral stunt.
We promise to take your money and leave you alone while we level up your Hinge game. We can do that for any chill adult trying to get laid for the first time or navigate their life post-divorce. Honestly, we’d probably do it for free because we feel bad for you, but we’re tryna bless up this world with a fire drink.