Our son James is truly a special young man. When he was just ten years old, we caught him using his mother’s credit card to open his first “PornHub” account. After that, it was off to the races. He racked up a $300 bill at the Holiday Inn on pay-per-view pornos with his travel baseball team just a year or two later. While some ordinary kids were reading Harry Potter or playing Xbox, our little Jamesy was dominating the Pornhub comments section with ease. What a kid!
When he started the seventh grade this year, he decided to take his interest in theater and cinema to the next level, directing the school play for a month before it was shut down by the evil, anti-free-speech administrators. He has such vision, which was threatening to the school for some reason. Naturally, we pursued civil litigation.
The day that James got his diagnosis, we were heartbroken. With his characteristic strength, he kept his chin up and his chest out—Doctor Clyburn says he has had more nurses request reassignment due to James’ insistence that he be allowed to watch American Pie. What a brave young man.
Our dear family friend Marcia referred James to Make-A-Wish. When they notified us that he had been approved, we were thrilled. We could not wait to see the sweet smile on his cute little face when his wish was granted. However, things took a turn when Make-A-Wish found out James’ wish was to meet his favorite porn stars: Julie Cash (known for “Busty Invaders from Mars”), Brianna Beach (star of “Goddess Foot Domination”, and Diamond Jackson (famous for “My White Stepdad”). Make-A-Wish tried to negotiate. Citing liability and branding concerns, they suggested a meet-and-greet with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers Cheerleaders instead to try and smooth things over. This just does not cut it for our Jamesy-poo. He cried for a week straight when he found out, and was too upset to even troll on 4chan.
And that is why we need your support. There is one thing that will make James happy before he moves on to Heaven and it involves Julie, Brianna, and Diamond. Help make a magical moment happen for our family.
With love,
Roger and Belinda Williams