I’m sure by now you all know the story of Christ—son of God, born to a virgin, supported the poor, healed the sick and dying, then he was crucified by the Romans and died for the sins of humanity. A few days later, he comes back to life and ascends to heaven. That should have been the end of it, but now Christ has finally returned and it’s up to all of us to crucify him once again. I’ll explain why.
When you hear the story of Christ, you probably sympathize with Jesus. He was a guy just trying to make the world a better place before that jerk Pontious Pilate went and crucified him. It’s easy to side with Jesus, but try and view things from the Roman perspective. At the time, the Roman Empire was flourishing, their culture was spreading and helping to unify the world, then Jesus showed up and started messing with their control of the Middle East. Something had to be done. The Romans are still seen as the villains today, but anyone with even a semblance of history knowledge knows that there are two sides to the story.
Christ is back and up to his old tricks, he’s been feeding the masses, spreading God’s love, and just generally being annoying. He thinks he’s all that just because he has long hair and magic powers, but he isn’t. We need to crucify Jesus yet again so that the whole world can see the original crucifixion wasn’t even that bad and that the Romans don’t deserve all the flak they get for something that happened thousands of years ago. Once we crucify Christ a second time, everyone will see him for the absolute poser he is, and maybe then we can all stop hating on Rome for once and appreciate how great their empire was at the time.
As any true Roman will tell you, killing the son of God is no easy task, and if we’re going to accomplish this goal, we’ll need all the help we can get. We need money to pay all the laborers. Carpenters to build the cross, ironworkers to make the nails, and paper boys to hand out pamphlets which explain the true Roman history that isn’t taught in the schools anymore. We also plan on recording the crucifixion and using it in a short documentary which will explain in greater detail how Rome was just trying their best.
With your donation we can crucify Jesus together and hopefully keep him gone for good this time!