Cough up your lunch money, freshman. I hope that you brought a lot too, because Mrs. Smith’s Algebra class sure does make me hungry. Better hurry up because when I get hungry, my wedgie-giving hand starts to itch.

So what am I going to buy with your hard earned cash? I’m thinking I’ll start with a couple slices of that weird square pizza, and then wash it down with a few Red Bulls. Maybe I’ll treat myself with a cosmic brownie or two. It’ll all taste so much better knowing that I bought it with your paper route money.

What’s that, you brought your own lunch today? So I guess you’re too poor to buy anything from the cafeteria, ha-ha! Hey everyone, this kid’s poor!

I see that you have a Pokemon lunchbox. That’s perfect, because the only thing you’ll be catching is a knuckle sandwich if I don’t like what’s inside of it. I’ll let this slide for now, but disappointing me like this again will get you a one-way ticket to wedgie town.

As a freshman, your only real purpose is to give up your lunch money to upperclassmen like me. You’re at the very bottom of the high school food chain, and there’s no getting out of it until another batch of eighth graders graduates and takes your place. I’m a sophomore, which means that I run this campus. Tell me that you don’t like it and you’ll get yourself a swirly, too.