Throw on some eyeshadow, call a babysitter, and bust out your most expensive boxed wine because this weekend Amber is finally getting hitched! We couldn’t be more excited to see our favorite gal pal walk down the aisle, so tonight we’re going to celebrate with a good old fashioned Las Vegas Bachelorette party! While the ladies and I have got everything else ready to go, there is one little thing we need to take care of: Brad, our sexy firefighter for the night, suffocated inside of the cake that he was supposed to burst out of.
Brad was a real sweetheart for not killing the party mood by mentioning that he was locked inside the cake and dying, or maybe that’s just because we couldn’t hear him over our Backstreet Boys and Alicia Keys filled party playlist. Either way, we’re going to need a new ripped, shirtless firefighter! Our only requirements are that he’s tall, handsome, and looks kind of like Amber’s dad. Yeah, that last one’s a whole thing.
Karen is on her way now with the bride-to-be, so we have to act fast! Our replacement firefighter should also be strong enough to throw the old one into a dumpster. While we might collectively have enough Jennifer Aniston Eau de Parfum to kill a small elephant, it’s still not enough to cover the smell of this dead male escort. Once we find our man, somebody better call Joe Exotic because there’s going to be a pack of wild cougars loose in Las Vegas!
Amber is a special lady who deserves a special night before her special day. We know that she and what’s his name will have an amazing life together, and it’s our duty as gal pals to help her celebrate in the best, sexiest way possible. We’ve already called the manager of the escort service, and all they did was tell police, so now we’re asking for donations from all of our fellow gal pals. I personally would put in some money, but Tyson’s karate lessons aren’t going to pay for themselves.