Dear Twitter.com,
I’m not quite sure if I’m sending this to the right address. If anyone in your department knows how to get in touch with Twitter Admissions, please write back to me.
My name is Dorothy Green, and I need to apply for a Twitter. I know it’s not everyday that you get a request from an 88-year-old woman like myself, but I would very much like to be admitted to the Twitter community. I’m asking for an application because I heard that my grandson, Michael, was making quite a ruckus in your online pen-pal club.
My daughter-in-law gave me a phone call last week saying that he had been sharing some very political things with you all. She mentioned something about him having a blue check mark, which I can only assume means he is in big trouble, and that’s why I want to check in on my dear boy. He was so sweet when he was young and it pains me to hear that he is out there making people so upset. I’m determined to set him straight, but between you and me, I am also excited to get to know everyone on your Website!
If this is the correct Twitter office, please send me the required application paperwork so I can fill out the forms needed to get a Twitter. I will mail them back to you the same day I get them. I hope you have a delightful rest of your day.
Sincerely,
Dorothy Green