Oh hey, look seriously I swear this is never really an issue but I am uh… lets say, “struggling to ignite” here. God, this is a hard problem to talk about. Well actually that’s not true—I guess technically it’s more of a “soft” problem, if you catch my drift. Help!
Backstory: me and my girlfriend have decided that it’s finally time for us to… well, you know. Like, if I was a baker I would start kneading her dough, you get what I’m saying? But instead of getting a nice rising loaf, it’s total matzah down below. Now she’s worried that I don’t think she’s pretty and apparently saying “you’re twice as pretty as your mom,” was not the go-to line here. Oh no, she just brought up my ex, please help!
I’m worried that she’s going to break up with me if I can solve this little problem. I tried to get inventive here but here’s a tip; putting on 16 condoms at once will not help you feel more girthy. Although to be honest I don’t know why I thought that would work.
Unfortunately, this is all probably a side effect of my anti-depressants. How fucked is it though that the thing which keeps me happy also declares war on Mr. Happy? Lexapro? More like No-sexapro.
What I need from you folks is support. That support can be completely physical if need be. I have seen some people get really creative using K’NEX blocks on YouTube before. Maybe someone could build me a bonerator or something. Or you can just send me some sexy messages. Anything to help pump me up. At least please make my girlfriend stop crying about how she thinks that this is somehow her fault, because honestly it’s just making everything worse.
Thank you all for your help. Let’s hope this fundraiser has anything but a flaccid response.