Hey, it’s me. You know, the parking meter right next to your car? I just saw that you parked here and I was wondering if you were planning on putting any money in me? Ah, I can see that you’re walking away, so don’t worry about it. It’s fine.
Is now a bad time? I’ll still be here later. Of course, when you come back, you’re just going to drive away without acknowledging me, right? Like you always do? Typical.
I’m not mad, really. But it’s like I’m invisible to you! You come over here, park your ugly-ass Ford Fiesta right in front of me, then you act like I’m not even here and leave. Do you want a parking ticket? (That’s still a thing, right?)
What’s that? Oh, is it a Sunday? Yeah sure, maybe that’s the day where it’s free. Or was it Saturday? All weekend? You have no idea, do you? Since when did you know anything about fucking town ordinances?
You’re really not going to pay, are you? Look, I know that nobody carries coins around anymore, but you’re literally stealing. It’s so shitty that you’re taking advantage of me having no arms and being embedded in the sidewalk, like for real though.
Okay, I fucking admit it! I am taking this personally. It’s not like you break any other driving rules. You didn’t park in front of that “no parking” sign. So yeah, this kinda seems like a personal attack.
I think that you should leave. Don’t park on Wheeler Avenue ever again, jerk. I’d kick your ass if I wasn’t completely immobile.
…K. Honestly, whatever. I don’t even care anymore.