After suffering a sharp pain in my side for a while now, a free clinic doctor informed me that I will be in need of a kidney transplant. When I received the horrifying news at first, I thought to myself, “No sweat! I’ll just wait for Medicare For All to pass so that this life threatening ailment doesn’t destroy my livelihood by either killing me or bankrupting me and eventually killing me”. Of course, with Bernie Sanders dropping out of the 2020 race, that won’t be happening now.

That’s where you guys come in. 

Since universal healthcare isn’t happening anytime soon, the next best plan for Americans will be unloading our hardships onto internet strangers in the hopes that we can woo them for financial assistance, and boy do I have shit to tell you.

It’s hard to admit that I work two full-time jobs yet can barely put food on the table for my three kids, but hey, maybe that will get me $10 or so. And I don’t like to tell people that I lost my wife last year, which caused me to lose my job and insurance, but I know that you hungry fucks would love to eat that up. More than anything, I just want to be able to watch my eldest son graduate next summer and tell him that I’m proud. He’s been dealing with severe depression, which I really didn’t want to reveal to you all, but you would’ve taken your business elsewhere if I didn’t say anything. I hope that these factors are marketable enough to the general public so that I can afford the treatment that Medicare For All would have fully covered.

I know that there are blind golden retrievers and little kids with rare genetic diseases who need your money, and I have to compete with all of them like it’s the fucking tear jerker olympics for healthcare. This shouldn’t be the right way to handle our issues, but either way, I’d like you to consider my heartbreaking story, because I kind of have to come in first place for this one.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Some of you may be wondering, “Hey didn’t you have a crowdfunding page for your kidney last year too?” You are absolutely correct. While I am extremely appreciative to all the donors who helped me in my time of need, I did end up having to sell that new kidney to pay off my massive college debt.