I’m gonna be honest: I have it pretty sweet. I’ve been spending quarantine in my parents’ city vacation loft that only I have the keys to. But they’re not paying my rent or anything (they bought the place in cash). So I decided that it’s time to get off my butt and finally start volunteering to help the homeless.
But while Googling “how to help the homeless”, I found out something terrible: the average salary for a volunteer is ZERO dollars per year! I’m pretty sure that’s like, even worse than minimum wage. Wild.
So hear me out: I really want to volunteer. I do! But all I’m asking for in return is a totally reasonable salary for a person with absolutely no bills, utilities, or obligations. You know, basically just fun money. A glorified allowance, if you will. I don’t want to Venmo request dad every Saturday before I hit the bars.
It’s not like my expectations are totally unreasonable. I understand and accept that they probably won’t offer a 401(k) or dental benefits, so I’ll be investing some of this money back into my trust fund. Can you invest money into a trust fund? I bet you can.
Your contribution will provide me with the energy I need to volunteer in our community, in the form of oat milk matcha lattes and cold-pressed wheatgrass juices. Hey, if I have some leftover, I can even share with those I’m helping!
Wait, you don’t have to volunteer on Saturday or Sunday mornings, right? I figure this is a pretty standard Monday-Thursday 10-3 full time job, right? I’m gonna need a lot of PTO though—you’d be surprised at how many underground EDM festivals haven’t been cancelled by coronavirus yet.
Oh, and if I decide to volunteer again next year, does anyone know if I have to make a new JumpKick or can I just restart this one?