Hello, my name is Sadie! I own a small cafe in the middle of town. I woke up late this morning for work and in my haste I’m pretty sure that I left the stove on. Though it’s only been an hour, I think it’s safe to assume my house is likely burned to a crisp along with all of my belongings. This campaign aims to raise the money needed to buy me a new house and replace things that perished due to all of it very violently exploding. I know that I’m doomed.
I’ve spent the last twenty minutes scourging online message boards while ignoring the daily responsibilities of running a cute small town cafe just to confirm what I already know to be true: my home is gone forever.
Based on the very helpful advice of Redditor “PikaPikaChooChoo230” from r/OCD, I’ve come to peace with the fact that the things that I lost in the fiery gas explosion are just that: things.
Things lost in freak, improbable gas explosions can be replaced. It’s certainly a shame that my negligence has cost me my home, my bed, and my Limited Edition collection of Josie and the Pussycats movie-accurate Cat Ears (surely melted to nothingness!). But I am alive.
Well, I’m alive for now. I could die at any time. I could die walking down the sidewalk. I could die from the hidden radiation emanating out my cell phone. My visiting parents could be time travelling robots sent from the future to kill me! These things happen.
Now, am I probably wrong about having left the stove on? Yes. Do I often assume the worst about everything? Also, yes. Will I allow anxiety to surgically gnaw away the parts of my brain that know better? I’ll let the dry ashed remains of my ranch-style suburban home answer that question.
Please give whatever you can to this JumpKick campaign. And stay tuned for my upcoming fundraiser for an invention that touches all the doorknobs in your house so that you don’t die in your sleep.