Foolish mortals, for too long you have bided your time, going about your frivolous lives day after day, unaware that you were soon to meet your DOOM! Once I, Caarhardrt the Engulfer, have extracted the last few souls, I need from the pitiful humans that plague the land, I will unleash a terrible darkness upon this world that will last for ETERNITY! So help me reach the finish line for this campaign by pledging your soul today!
You see, I, as the eternal lord master regent for the entirety of existence, will be needing henchmen to do my various biddings on a day to day basis. You know, just paperwork and things like that could help me spend some more time with the kids and wife on the weekend. So by donating your soul now, you will be guaranteed a higher up position within my army of ghouls that will soon plague the Earth for the remainder of time.
– By committing your soul to a lifetime of servitude towards Caarhardrt’s the Engulfer’s bidding, you obtain:Choice living eternity as skeleton soldier or zombie type thing with rotting helmets
– You get to wear armor in case some hero tries to overthrow the great Caarhardrt the Engulfer
– Employee-only company swag
PATHETIC SLIME! The impending hellfire that will devour your forests and boil your oceans will soon be upon you! All hope is lost and you will find no glory in denying my brutal reign! Each soul collected brings us one step closer to our goal: the everlasting torment of the mortal world as you know it!
Caarhardrt the Engulfer brings only suffering and death to those who oppose him! Your world teeters on the brink of destruction, why don’t you put yourself on the winning side—the one with fire and brimstone, the one with great dental and vision benefits for minions working 35 hours or more per week!