Goddamnit goddamnit fuck fuck fuck FUCK! Of course when I finally decided to stop being lazy and do my laundry that’s piled up for two months (partially because I ran out of febreeze) I forgot my goddamn quarters at home. I hauled my laundry two blocks to get here—I even got bumped into by some finance bros and dropped my dirty bras right in front of the Thai restaurant and the hot server I’ve been wanting to ask saw me!
Not only have I made one embarrassing mistake, my quarters are sitting on my drawer at home. It sucks that I know EXACTLY where I left them. You gotta help me out—there’s no one else in this laundromat and even if someone was here, it’s New York Fucking City. People here aren’t about the whole “being kind to strangers” deal.
I beg of you, I just need a few quarters. In exchange, I’ll give you a drop of detergent (I’m not the Daddy Warbucks of the Laundromat here, so don’t push it.)