Since 1926, The Hundred Acre Wood has been not only a realm of a small boy’s imagination but our home. This beautiful English forest has served as a backdrop for honey picnics, woozle hunts, and expeditions to the North Pole. Our friends and neighbors have helped us when we were terrified of Hephalumps and have given us shelter when we got stuck in their doorway all winter after gorging ourselves on honey. While time has marched on, we citizens of the Wood have insulated ourselves from the world outside. Unfortunately, this is no longer the case.
As of Sunday, a wildfire has ravaged nearly eighty of the hundred acres of our once beautiful home. From our meadow that is “nice for picnics” all the way to Owl’s House, the fire has cut a swath of destruction through not only our charming storybook homes, but our little fabric hearts. After watching their adorable cottages, tree houses, and in the case of one chronically depressed resident, a twig shanty, burn to cinder, several residents are now displaced.
The good news is that investigators have now traced the start of the fire to a series of sparkling penis-shaped candles adorning pink penis-shaped cupcakes served as a part of Ms. Gina Ditiro’s bachelorette party. What began as a fancy tea party photo-opp in our beautiful woods quickly devolved into an alcohol-fueled bacchanal after Gina’s friend Lisa brought Patrón tequila, margarita mix, and at least one “jazz cigarette.”
Now we need your help. We depended on each other for nearly a century in our close-knit community and now must ask for help from outside it. We ask for funds to help us bury our dead, rebuild our quaint little homes, and return to our blustery days and honey trees. Thank you for your kindness. #HundredAcreWoodStrong