A war has broken out in a galaxy far far away, but those in need are right in our backyard. Please consider donating to help the displaced refugees of Alderaan after their entire planet was blown away by the Galactic Empire. Please consider the strife of my friend Pat Awan who has to deal with the pain and suffering of being a refugee. While trying to find a place to live, Pat is constantly told to “go back to where he came from.” But he has to remind them that where he came from is currently an asteroid field.
It should also be noted that this galactic civil war is so brutal that the space station responsible in destroying Pat’s home world has itself been completely destroyed.
Pat told me the biggest issue he faces is the expectation to quickly assimilate to the norms and traditions of a region when arriving as a refugee. In his case, he finds Mandalorian armor far too itchy and does not feel comfortable hiding his Jedi religion.
So what can your donation do? Smuggling is the first option. There are so many smugglers in the galaxy. One in three occupations out there in space is smuggling. So we’re planning to hire a scruffy-looking nerf herder to sneak Alderaan refugees to safe locations. We could also set the refugees up with a bounty hunting operation to make money and support themselves. It would probably be best to keep them on the move anyway. In situations like this, refugees tend to settle in large cities, and Coruscant is already overflowing with refugees from the Clone Wars. Maybe, with your donation, we can stop one guy from starting a new war in the galaxy every 5 years.
Thank you for taking the time to read about these desperate people in need. If this fundraiser exceeds its goal, we can go for our Hail Mary proposal: we’ll add a CGI Alderaan to the star maps that will look better than the old one. You could call it a “special addition.”