Candy Against COVID is a non-profit organization dedicated to encouraging people to get vaccinated with the only thing proven to motivate Americans: high fructose corn syrup on a stick. Studies show that less than 50% of citizens are willing to get off their lazy ass for medical treatment, even if it’s to protect the lives of themselves and their families, however adding that sweet, sweet sucralose rush to the equation will get even the most sedentary of blobs off the couch and into the doctor’s office.
Here’s where CAC is having an issue: due to the amount of Amazon deliveries last holiday, cardboard shortages are running rampant. States have resorted to rationing cardboard to whichever industries they saw as most essential, and lollipop sticks fell to the wayside. Now that lollipops are the second most valuable resource in the country, next to the COVID vaccine, we must go through extreme and unprecedented production schedules to meet the demand.
Our organization has put together the best scientists to create a synthetic lollipop stick that’s durable and feels just like the real thing. Now we just need your support to complete the manufacturing. If America is truly going to beat this virus, we are going to need 100% participation. And if we’re going to achieve that, we have to get over this “people will do the right thing” folktale that keeps getting spread. The only way people are going to endure a couple little pricks of the needle is through cold, hard sugar. Lots of it.