Let me cut to the chase, my son’s a pussy. He can’t do shit without his mom and he cries over everything. I tried to read The Red Badge of Courage to him the other night before bed, but he has absolutely no understanding of how masculine dying in the name of brotherhood is.
I thought that maybe an introduction course to war movies would help with this, but he actually sobbed when the soldier in “Platoon” was so weak that he blew his own brains out. It’s intolerable. Don’t even get me started on cowboy movies. The kid couldn’t care less.
I can already tell that he’s going to expect me to pay for a liberal arts college by how little he reacts to female nudity. I’m not saying that I bought the kid a stripper or nothin, but every dad has to start checking early. An “I’m sorry, did I leave my issue of Sports Illustrated out?” kind of thing. The kid doesn’t even notice but when it comes to his “stuffies”? Oh, no. Nevermind. Those are top priority. Even during the Super Bowl my wife asked me to flip back to The Dog Bowl on Animal Planet so he could “see the little puppies”. It’s pathetic. The little wuss can’t even play baseball without a tee. I take him fishing and he just plays in the sand. If no one else is going to start correcting this with bullying, I will.
I am hoping that with your support we can raise some nuts for this kid. God forbid something should happen to me, who is going to take care of and ultimately intimidate my family? How can we expect to thrive as a community if we allow my son to be such a little bitch? He’s already six years old. Please, help my son get some balls before it’s too late.