I have found myself in quite a pickle here. I know that it’s been a tough year for everyone, but if anyone can spare even a few dollars towards this cause, that would be amazing. Because if I can’t get a loud and crisp quality amplification of my roommate’s noisy fuck fests, I may end up homeless.
Wayne and I have been living together for years and mostly it’s been fine. We used to have quiet nights at home playing video games or watching a movie. But since Trent started coming around, I haven’t had a single moment of peace! Their rowdy sexual antics echo through the entire apartment, and I can’t even understand any words from that beautiful and nasty dirty talk through these thick walls. I can’t live like this! My only other option is the street, where I could probably hear them more clearly through the window.
I attempted to confront Wyatt about this. I asked him to maybe turn it up every once in a while. He has roommates after all. But he acted like I was the one who was crazy. Who wouldn’t be crazy missing out on the intimate details of two fine-ass adults enjoying every inch of each other’s sweaty bodies? I told him that I was going to find a way to listen in more closely, and he told me, “Do whatever you want man.” So that’s what I’m going to do.
Right now I’m looking at a double-sensor echo surveillance system made by the same unlisted company that creates espionage devices for the CIA. It’s for sale on the dark web. It has a dual-chambered infinity drive that can hear through the thickest of brick walls. This specific unit has been responsible for the capture and kills of at least two dozen enemy operatives. The guy I met in the vacant parking garage promised that it would allow me to easily hear skin slapping skin three rooms away. It’s basically a must-have.
The whole project is going to set me back $20,000. This may seem like a lot, but how can you put a price on total satisfaction? Plus I saw the seller’s face and now if I don’t buy it, I will probably end up missing. But regardless, let’s get me to that oasis of crystal-clear, nasty sex sounds. Let me finally enjoy my nights at home once again.