I love my little cat Moxie, but sometimes being a pet owner is hard! She likes to meow in my face at 6a.m., and if I don’t watch her she’ll knock my coffee mug right off the table. She’s a handful but I just can’t stay mad at that cute furry face!

Two days ago, though, she really tested my limits. You see I had walked away from my open laptop for like two seconds to call my sick grandmother in the nursing home like I do every Sunday. Imagine my surprise when I got back and saw that my sweet kitty had not only logged onto a bunch of cam sex sites but spent over $3,000 “chatting” with the models! Of course, I grabbed the spray bottle and gave her a few good squirts when I found out, but it was too late. In fact, based on what I saw on the screen, she might even be into that. 

I know it seems strange that Moxie was able to log onto the sites, enter my credit card number, and then click on the various cams, but you really can’t underestimate how easy to use the modern personal computer has become. Besides CAPTCHA’s are designed to find out if you’re a robot, not if you’re a cat!

I tried calling the companies to explain the situation, but the operators I talked to were unsympathetic, to say the least. I swear to god if I have to hear the phrase “highly improbable” one more time I’m going to scream! 

Anyway if you can help me out I’d truly appreciate it. My rent is due soon, and the money for my Tinder Gold account is supposed to come out of the bank on Friday. I understand that a lot of you are strapped for cash right now, and might not be able to send money. If you still want to help, I honestly think it would be good for my mental health just to know that you care. It’d also be great if people could mail me any panties that they’ve worn hiking or to the gym. Thanks in advance!

Yours in Christ,

David