Hey everybody! I decided five minutes ago that I’m so ready for my next career as an influencer, but I need your support to get there. I know that you all assumed that I was an influencer already (because, well, you’ve all seen my face—hottest girl in my high school vibes), but I really need some succulents and crystals to be taken seriously.
Why I need the money: I currently have income from my luxury dog sitting side hustle, which only pays like $20 bucks every once in a while. Plus, a 9-5 job seems like stressful and stuff, which my facialist says is bad for my pores. Also, my totally unreasonable dad cut my credit cards after I spent $5,000 on a FEW Vera Wang bags and Lulu Lemon leggings. So unfair.
If you help me buy these “succulents” (which is just, like, a plant, right?) I will take care of them so well. I promise to take pics of me feeding them Frappuccinos. If you help me buy the crystals, I’ll make great use of them, too—I will lay some on my bare stomach in a bikini to look zen in a hot way. I promise that this career is NOT just about me—it’s about helping the #universe. I have so many vague inspirational quotes that I’m going to put in pink font to inspire the masses. Some of them include: “Love is not love without love” and “Being hot in high school means the world”.
I realllllly hope that you donate to my campaign so you can help a very hot chick’s humble dreams come true. And I promise that if you donate, there will be lots of rewards that I might give you (like spending a day with me where you help me run errands!) Unless in the case that I can’t find you, or if I forget.