My name is Kevin Middlestone, and I’m a 3rd grader in Mrs. Odin’s class at Pinkerton Elementary. Recently, I made a mistake that I know will follow me to my grave. It was free play and exploration time, and I needed to ask the teacher if I could go pee. Instead of addressing my teacher as Mrs. Odin, I accidentally called her “mom”. When she didn’t immediately respond, I said it even louder and louder before she corrected me. Now the whole class is laughing at me! That’s why I need enough money to move to a completely new school district forever.
I don’t have a lot of money saved up in my piggy bank, and I know houses probably cost a lot. I bet I could find one in a new school district for $400. It has to be somewhere far away too where no one can ever find me again. Hopefully I can find somewhere that is at least a billion miles away. I would feel more comfortable though if it was at least TWO billion. Going that far might require me to move to another state, but I’m O.K. with that.
Of course, the challenge will be convincing my parents that we need to move. They keep telling me that it’ll be fine and that people will eventually forget what happened. Except it has already been like one whole day and the kids still bring it up. Honestly, it seems like running away and buying my own house might be the only option here.
My hope is that I can find a new school district where the kids are always nice and also super forgetful. Timmy Peterson told me that he once heard of a school that is entirely taught by robots. Wouldn’t that be a cool place to go to school?! He also said that they have special helmets that put knowledge directly into your brain, and that the water fountains serve Mountain Dew, and that the cafeteria lunch workers turn bullies into lunch meat and serve them secretly to other bullies.
So please, help me make my dreams come true so I can escape my shame and embarrassment. My parents say that I am being over-dramatic, but I don’t think so. If people really were as forgetful as they say, then my dad’s childhood friends wouldn’t still be calling him “Chubbs”. Thank you for your support.