For far too long, society has been approaching illnesses and chronic pain as an opportunity to push pills that only treat the symptoms. But by looking at the body and health from a more holistic perspective, one can help alleviate issues of the common man while avoiding harsh synthetic chemicals. That’s why I’m looking to find the right combination of sacred gemstones to shove up my ass.
If I can determine the precise order of healing crystals, arranged in a row on some kind of chain or easily cleaned rubber connection, I should be able to internally align them with the flow of Kundalini energy through my lower chakra, a.k.a. inflamed pulsing anus. As all of us non-doctors know, Kundalini energy misalignment is one of the leading causes of hemorrhoids. So donate to my endeavor and I’ll make sure that the whole world will have access to my toxin-cleansing beads.
By pledging your support, you’ll be able to receive your own personalized anal bead treatment kit that features:
– 100% White Quartz for the finest and purest of bleeding rectum treatment
– Varying Lengths and widths available for those who are further up their own asses
– A free coconut oil based lubricant included with every starter package
This method of treatment has been time tested for thousands of years one can infer. Where traditional western medicine might advise those suffering from hemorrhoids to use hydrocortisone or take anti-inflammatory medicine or not shove anything up your asshole, the more sophisticated holistic medicines look at the emotional and spiritual root causes of inflamed anal veins. How can you expect swelling to go down when your negative vibratory frequencies are so high?
Back this project now! Dealing with a serious medical issue without consulting the wisdom of the universe can be a real pain in the ass, especially when the medical issue is pain in your ass. Well, alleviate that pain-in-the-ass pain in your ass, by putting, placing, and removing this wonder cure from your asshole.