I’ve been a man with a dream, a purpose that I was put on this Earth for. Years ago I was listening to Pinhead by the Ramones just after watching an episode of The Sopranos and it came to me: Gabba Gabba Gool’s. The perfect pun. It was only a matter of time until I realized there was only one thing I could do with this discovery, create the world’s first Ramones and Sopranos fusion themed family restaurant!
I don’t know how this business could be failing. We’re Bubba Gump Shrimp meets the Hard Rock Cafe. Our menu has everything from Big Pussy’s Wet Cemetery Seafood Platter to The KKK Took Pork Pot Pie-O-My Baby Away.
We may be struggling now, but patrons will soon appreciate the Chuck E. Cheese style band that only plays a punk version of Woke Up This Morning each 50 minutes. I spent good money to get an animatronic drummer that looks like Dr. Melfi and with your donations, we can keep it from breaking down every other day.
For some reason, there’s a lot of food critics out there who are too confused by this. “Just pick one theme” they tell me. “This mashup is way too forced” claimed The Tribune. It’s called style and someday we’re going to franchise in every state.
Meanwhile my staff has been threatening to quit for some time. The servers complain that wearing a leather jacket over a track suit is too hot of a uniform for a restaurant in Arizona. They also feel uncomfortable that every time it’s a birthday they have to put on a pinhead mask and run around firing guns.
My business has also been getting a lot of flack on social media because we have done profits to the police. I think that Johnny Ramone would be proud that I’m doing this as well as… well, surely one of the other members or someone in the Sopranos would back me up on this. Save our restaurant! Everyone who donates gets $5 off their desert! This month it’s Bonzo Goes To Badda Bingberg (My Pineapple Cake Is Served Upside Down) so come down and get yours!