Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it’s great that you raised $2,000 for children with autism on your birthday. I really do. But I don’t get why you don’t just raise money for something that might actually make you happy, like drugs or alcohol. Personally, I have my own problems I have to deal with, and my landlord doesn’t accept altruism as payment.
First off, my 1996 Geo Prizm got into a little fender-bender and I need to get to work to pay it off. Sure, I T-boned the other guy, but at least I came out relatively fine. Just need to fix up the headlights and radiator. Though I do randomly faint at times, I think I just need to walk it off again.
From what the podcasts are telling me, you’re not supposed to spend your own money making a movie. But how was I supposed to know Hollywood wasn’t going to want a three-and-a-half-hour film about roommates who do improv and get along pretty good and stay out of trouble? It’s what every YouTube sketch is about so I figured I’d go all in. And I really thought that licensing that Black Eyed Peas song for the credits was gonna make my movie sore.
I did give one-thousand dollars to a Nigerian prince who needed to borrow it and said he’ll hit me back tenfold, but that was eight years ago and he hasn’t gotten back to me. Hopefully that’ll still go through though.
I also sunk about two Gs into Blackberry stock because I truly believed in the company and I like the key buttons better. My human thumbs are too big for touch screens, which aren’t very durable against the ground when your Uber cancels.
Help me out here. It’s my friggin’ birthday after all. You can donate to the ASPCA NEXT month.