Much like all of you folks, I’m tired of these liberals talking about this goddamn coronavirus! I don’t know anyone who has gotten sick, which is why it’s RIDICULOUS that liars like Cuomo and Fauci try and stop my daughter from having her dream sweet 16 with all 250 of her close friends and family.
Having a sweet 16 is every little American girl’s dream! Kailynn, my princess, deserves to have one, too. Unfortunately, I (her father) don’t bring in enough as a tractor-trailer driver, and her mother just lost her job due to… you guessed it… “COVID-19”. Load of baloney if you ask me. Kailynn has a solid B average, is the most popular girl in school, and she once volunteered at the animal shelter. She deserves to have her dream super sweet 16 more than everybody else! Anybody who says different is a **** *#*$# snowflake!
The cost of the venue, DJ, food, and her dress is going to be at least $10,000 all together. Let’s help make Kailynn’s dream come true, and don’t worry—we won’t waste your hard-earned dollars on some diamond bedazzled mask. There will be NO masks allowed at this party! Those donations will instead go towards a karaoke machine and a chocolate dip fountain (people will have to double dip, though, because we aren’t made of money!) Let’s stick it to all those liberty-haters by chipping in for the best anti-coronaHOAX party this great country can offer!
UPDATE:
Well, the good news is that we reached our funding goal for the sweet sixteen and it was a blast; the bad news is that our daughter is dead. Our entire family is beside ourselves after Kailynn unexpectedly passed away on Friday. She started out being tired so we assumed it was her “woman time”, but then came a raging fever and cough. She was barely conscious at one point, and even showing her the group photo of her Sweet 16 didn’t perk her up.
We tried everything before we caved and got her a test for COVID-19–even water and a packet of Emergen-C. But she died at the hospital after just a few hours being admitted. Thing is, I don’t even know how she was infected. Ohh I am just plagued with guilt that she got the virus when she went to the gas station to get me beer because I was too drunk to drive.
We really need help paying for the funeral because the store doesn’t have a “but my daughter died of COVID-19” return policy, so we can’t even afford the procession costs. Help us give Kailynn the funeral of her dreams.