Have you folks ever found yourself going out after a massive winter storm that just caked everything in ice? Meanwhile, your asshole neighbors were too lazy to clear their sidewalk, so now you’re slipping and sliding everywhere as you make the dangerous trek outside to a job that doesn’t provide health insurance.
With my new boots made completely out of de-icing salt, you can set your worries about slipping, falling down, breaking your legs, and getting devoured by ravenous wolves aside.
Imagine it: with each crunchy step you take, you are actually working to de-ice the route ahead of you. Where there was once no traction at all, you suddenly have nothing but traction at the soles of your feet. My trademarked Salty Booties provide protection that you wouldn’t be able to get from your standard rubber galoshes. Your worries will melt away from you much like the snow in your path.
Certain naysayers may question whether or not it’s a good idea to have boots made out of pure salt. They’ll complain about them being horribly jagged and uncomfortable. They’ll say that it’s stupid to make a product which will melt away within half an hour of putting them on. To them I say, how hypocritical. People use single-use products all the time in the form of water bottles. Except unlike water bottles, my boots will dissolve in the ocean, which, you guessed it, is very salty. If anything, having a product that disintegrates over time is a good thing, leaving no messes for future generations while also not fucking up the sea turtles or dolphins
What’s great about my invention as well is that it has more uses than simply keeping you safe on a winter’s day. Do you like hunting? Well it’s illegal to leave out salt blocks to help attract deer when you go out. I haven’t read anything though about salty boots that you “accidentally” lose while going out. Or perhaps you have a horrible iodine deficiency that you need to work on. Just lick one of our iodized, kosher salt boots and you’ll be goiter free in no time! And that’s right, it’s pure kosher salt, so if you need to celebrate Passover, these are the boots for you. Leave a seat for Elijah and get him a pair of Salty Booties as well.
Think about your health and safety by making Salty Booties a reality today.