Before Coronavirus hit, I never had to worry about money. I made my living off of a fake ADHD diagnosis in the comfort of my college dorm room. Whenever someone knocked on my door, I knew that I’d either be making twenty dollars or be getting arrested. I took that sweet comfort for granted. Now that my college closed and sent us home, I am completely lost. None of my high school friends’ moms will let them leave the house to pick up, so I need your help.
Needless to say, I’ve been blindsided by this economic travesty and sudden inability to schmooze my way out of not having money. The only business obstacle that I had ever faced before was when my psychiatrist questioned how I could have possibly gone undiagnosed with ADHD my entire life (I got out of that one by crying and walked out with a Xanax prescription somehow). I didn’t have to worry about losing my customers because no one in my residential hall wanted to compete with my prices. Now I have no idea how I’m going to fill my college checking account.
We all know that this will be over in like two weeks or something, but my classes are going to be online for the rest of the year which puts me out about $800 of Adderall earnings. My friends and I are tryna plan a beach trip to Miami and I need cash to pitch in for the Air BnB. Although I have a loving family, eat three home cooked meals per day, and have a roof over my head, without my prescription drug money, I have nothing.
It would mean the world to me if you could give whatever you can during these trying times. Don’t worry because I’ll be able to repay you and society in some form eventually probably. I’m so bored that I’ve been snorting fifty milligrams of this shit per day and have come up with ideas for like ten projects that will change the world. So be on the lookout for a beer that also doubles as pre-workout on JumpKick soon.