Are you terrified of Thanksgiving Day after you saw your maskless aunt Linda protesting for a recount on Fox News? I am, so I came up with a prototype for a COVID-19 resistant hamster ball to make it possible for me to catch up with grandma without killing her. However, as Thanksgiving Day approaches, we must speed up production to reach our goal, and we need your help!

Not only does the ball protect against COVID-19 and other airborne illnesses, it can also shield sound. With just the touch of a button, you can completely mute the your Uncle Bob’s rant about how the election was stolen by Hugo Chavez from beyond the grave.

The ball also features pre-recorded audio clips to combat those dreaded Thanksgiving conversations with your extended family, including popular soundbites such as: “I might try to get a masters in Marketing at some point,” and “I’m still single, actually”.

Costs of production, manufacturing, and advertising are monumental, but with your donation, we can save you from catching COVID-19 from your uncle wearing a “MASKS ARE FOR PUSSIES” muscle tee. Unfortunately, we haven’t yet engineered how you can get food into this thing, but we’re working on it.