I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of eating my meals on the floor. Dirt gets on your food. Whenever I do my ritual pre-meal dance I find myself stepping all over the spaghetti. Why has it taken so long to invent a better way to eat? We are humans, after all. We’re the reason why Cincinnati exists. We can do anything if we put our minds to it.
Well I did put my mind to it, and after years of engineering different ideas I finally found the schematics for the perfect invention that will revolutionize the way that we eat meals entirely. I call it a raised flat platform with legs, or a RAISFLAPLATWEGS if you really want to give it a hip, catchy name.
This creation I made has everything. The legs make it tall so that you can stand up instead of having to lie down on your belly like a worm. If you find a big rock outside you can even sit down on that. I haven’t figured out how tall it should be yet, but either way it will be up high enough that your hungry pet tortoise won’t be able to reach it no more. The surface is also really flat so no more getting your cereal stuck between the tiles. I’m still figuring out how to keep the milk from slipping through my hands though.
If the goal is reached, evey home and cave in this country is going to want one. You don’t eat? No problem! The raised flat platform with legs has many uses. You can slap your hand on it when you’re excited, or you can just sit under it when playing hide and seek with yourself. The options are limitless!