In this time of a seemingly never-ending global pandemic, there are few things more comforting than retreating into the warm, fuzzy glow of nostalgia. Sure, a G-rated hit of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles-themed dopamine is nice now and then. But what if you’re horny?
That is exactly why our production company is looking for backers to help fund “Lust in the Time of Cholera”, an erotic period piece set in the 1840’s Oregon Trail. Follow our crew of young, hot, insatiable coeds as they ford the river of sexual conquest and arrive at the promised land of fertile valleys. There will be plenty of beaver hunting. Some of it taking place with muskets, some of it with penises.
Not only will the film be as hot as the Snake River Basin during the dog days of summer, it will be educational. Edutainment, if you will. Edutainment you can pleasure yourself to. According to leading psychologists, countless millennials are estimated to have an untapped Conestoga wagon fetish due to being forced to play Oregon Trail during the years in which their sexual interests began to develop. So we’re looking to tap into this horny, sexually-repressed market.
The project will film on location, and my cousin, Dave says he’s an expert on fighting off rattlers, so our cast can be assured of their safety throughout all 4 weeks of filming. Speaking of our cast, we’re proud to say that it will be far more diverse than the real Oregon Trail ever could have been. While we are mindful that this portrayal isn’t completely faithful to the history of the trail, who gives a shit? A bunch of sunburned, pale whites just isn’t going to cut it in the 2021 porno zeitgeist.
We look forward to seeing your support! All backers pledging $200 or more will get to vote on the title. I’m not 100% settled on “Lust in the Time of Cholera.” There are so many good references and pun possibilities. Other contenders are “The Whoregon Trail”, “Conestoga Wagon Orgy”, and “You Have Died of Dick in Terry”.