As a huge Scrubs fan, there’s nothing more I’d like to see than a fresh take on the beloved series. I miss the classic antics and heartfelt moments of J.D., Turk, Dr. Cox, and the whole gang, and getting them all back together would be a perfect way to honor dedicated fans and introduce the show to a new young audience.
Slightly more pressing, however, is the fact that Zach Braff has been loitering on my lawn for the last 4 years. It all started in August 2017, when the solar eclipse created a darkness over my neighborhood, when the light came back Mr. Braff inexplicably materialized on my driveway. He has been nothing but polite, always greeting me and insisting we should share some “brew-skis” soon, but anytime someone comes to my door (delivery driver, concerned family member, law enforcement, etc.) I hear an unholy gnashing of teeth and mournful screaming and I never see the person again.
Whenever I casually approach Zach and ask him what he needs or if he plans to leave, his eyes glaze over a milky white as his jaw slacks and he starts chanting the Scrubs theme song in a low monotone. “I’m no Superman. I’m no Superman.” He repeats, until I drop it and go back inside.
I’m asking for your monetary support, any amount, to help me get the iconic show back on the air for all the huge Scrubs fans such as myself, and also to protect the lives of my wife and children, whose sight causes Zach to emit a high pitched siren that causes my ears to bleed and messes with any electrical appliance in a two mile radius.
So if you’re a fan of the hilarious hospital sitcom, or you want my family to retain their flesh, I implore you to give whatever you can. There is no strict time limit, however every morning my front door gets thinner and thinner, from what I can only assume are Zach’s attempts to chew his way through and breach my sanctuary.